I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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