dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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