I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're too hungover to prance.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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