it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
