he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
