in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
