The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
