If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
