my vag is so smooth its legendary
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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