brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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