I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
