If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
that is very illegal...i love you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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