It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
