sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
