no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
