It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
