phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
