I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
