If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
