Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
