I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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