Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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