Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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