if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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