don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize