I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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