i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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