i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
