I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
