Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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