so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
