Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
