you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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