Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
