Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize