Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
