After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
