i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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