The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
