I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize