dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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