I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
