The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
