How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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