Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
