Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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