note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
