Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
