Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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