New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
