my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
