You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
