At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
