i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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