i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
smell my finger.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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