at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That accounts for only three of the penises
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
