If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
