just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
