Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
