I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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