Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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