the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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