the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
