I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
