you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
