As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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