Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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