i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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