Acid is not a monday night drug
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
