i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
