My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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