I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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