we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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