Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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