My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
