i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
