you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
