seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
