I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
