history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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