I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
