Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
