In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
