dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
